Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Champagne or Cot

http://damnthosewords.tumblr.com/post/167255001438/fresh-off-the-boat-a-league-of-her-own

I know, I know – I already wrote about the big Very Softball Coming Out episode of “Fresh Off the Boat” last week. But, kittens, it really needs to be seen to be truly appreciated. Plus it is almost a holiday here and I wanted to send you into your long weekends with the warm fuzzies. Here is the coming out experience we all wish we had. C29, baby!

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Real Hockey Moms

Hey, remember when that crazy lady from Alaska who thought she could be one heartbeat away from the presidency kept bragging about how she was a “hockey mom?” Well how about we erase those terrible memories with two real hockey moms instead.

Last week Julie Chu and Caroline Ouellette, the former captains of the United States and Canadian women’s hockey teams, respectively, introduced their newborn daughter to the world. Liv Chu-Ouellette was born on Nov. 5 and the two hockey stars couldn’t look happier in their announcement post on Instagram. Say it with me, awwwww.

Yes, the world is a crazy crazy place – particularly now, but you’d better believe these moms are going to hard check anyone who even thinks of hurting their beautiful bundle of joy. Now if only we could all have our own real personal hockey moms the world would be a much better place.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Saving Maura Pfefferman

Recast Maura Pfefferman with a trans actress.
Recast Maura Pfefferman with a trans actress.
Recast Maura Pfefferman with a trans actress.
Recast Maura Pfefferman with a trans actress.
Recast Maura Pfefferman with a trans actress.

And, once more, for the people in the back - recast Maura Pfefferman with a trans actress.

p.s. I will have a lot more to say about this in a guest column for The Hollywood Reporter today. Link to come.

Friday, November 17, 2017

My Weekend Crush

As I have mentioned before, “Madame Secretary” is one of those show I only watch when I fly home to visit my mom. It is not that there is anything intrinsically wrong with the show (hello, Madame Leoni). But I just did not have a compelling enough reason to add it to my repertoire. Until, perhaps now. You will no doubt recall late last month when the Sara Ramirez picture that made all lesbians go “HOT DAMN” was released. Well now we can see it in motion. Yeah, fine, I am setting my DVR for this Sunday. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Gender Fuck Thursday

Look, admittedly we live in confusing times. Men can’t seem to figure out when it is and isn’t appropriate to masturbate in front of terrified/revolted women. A 14-year-old girl is a perfectly good dating prospect if you’re a white Republican would-be senator. And the president calls hostile world leaders with access to nuclear weapons “short and fat” because of course he does. But one thing there should be no confusion on is that Hope Hicks in a tuxedo is not a good thing. Granted, Hope Hicks in a tuxedo is empirically not a terrible thing. It fits her nicely and I always approve of women in what has been traditionally considered menswear, always. But, alas, she is a woman in a tuxedo who works in service of an evil toddler who treats women, POC, LGBTQ people, Muslims, immigrants and anyone who isn’t a rich white man like absolute shit. So yeah, Hope Hicks in a tuxedo is not a good thing. But do you know what there should also be no confusion about? Allison Janney in a tuxedo is a very, very, very (very, very, very) good thing. In these confusing times cling to what we hold most dear. Thank you, Allison. We all needed that.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Amazonian Fail

If you every wondered if it matters who gets to tell stories, look no further than the new costumes for the Amazons. You remember the Amazons, right? Fierce warriors of Themyscira who are tasked with defending the world against the evils of man. They ride horses and shoot arrows and swing from ropes and kick all of the ass. Remember? And to do that they need sensible yet attractive battle armor, right? Right.

Well, not anymore.

Say goodbye metal breastplates and hello leather bikinis in the new “Justice League” movie. Now we’re not talking about their lounging around Paradise Island clothes here, which in the “Wonder Women” film also tended to be leather and midriff heavy. At least makes some sense given the Mediterranean locale. We are talking about what the Amazons actually wearing into battle with their swords and their bows blazing. Can you spot the difference above in “Wonder Woman” at left and in “Justice League” at right?

Here maybe it helps if I tell you who was behind the Amazons.

On your left: director Patty Jenkins and costume designer designed by Lindy Hemming. On the right: director Zack Snyder and costume designer Michael Wilkinson.

Like I was saying, it matters who gets to tell stories.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Lesbian Off the Boat

I’ve talked about “Fresh Off the Boat” a little here. Namely, it’s a wonderful show and Constance Wu deserves all of the Emmys. All of this is true, and then this season the show went and added my favorite thing ever: A sustained lesbian storyline.

Earlier this season Nicole, the teenage daughter next door to the Huang family, came out to Eddie (the Huang’s eldest son and de facto show narrator).



I was wondering if it would be a one-off or just a recurring joke. But instead the series decided to explore it further and had the Very Special Coming Out episode last week. And it was sweet, it was so sweet. There was softball and Melissa Etheridge and guitar-playing wiccans who love to camp.

The series creator is out lesbian Nahnatchka Khan, whose previous credits include “Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23” and “American Dad!” But don’t just watch because of that or because it’s one of the only show on broadcast television with such abundant Asian American representation. Watch (it airs tonight, hint hint) because it is, hands down, very funny. And now, also, quite gay.

Monday, November 13, 2017

A Reckoning

This seemingly endless parade of Bad Men being finally exposed is a reckoning. After thousands and thousands of years living under the patriarchy, perhaps women have at long last had enough. Perhaps women have, at long last, decided they cannot stomach the subjugation one second longer. Perhaps women have, at long last, decided men – yes all men, not just the abusers and the assaulters – must aknowledge this awfulness once and for all.

What the Weinstein story broke was a dam that supported the status quo of abuse, assault, harassment and horrible behavior of Bad Men. We seemingly allowed this abuse because said men were rich, powerful, important, brilliant, et al. But, truth be told, men don’t need to be any of those things to get away with abusing women (and other men, because both women and men fall victim to toxic masculinity). They just needed to be men. And for women (and, again, other men) the price of existence in this society was absorbing the daily indignities, humiliations, objectifications and abuses that they doled out. That’s show business. That’s [insert work field here]. That’s just life. Suck it up. Deal with it.

I don’t know what the ultimate outcome of this unveiling of the awfulness of far too many men will be. Will we move forward as a society in a way that treats women as more than just sexual objects or secondary life forms? The cynical part of my brain says any purge this successful will be met with a backlash twice as ferocious. The status quo hates to be threatened.

But in other ways I am encouraged. Over the weekend Ellen Page wrote a searing post on Facebook about her own experiences with homophobia and harassment in Hollywood at the hands of serial harasser and all-around asshole Brett Ratner and others. The remarkable piece also takes note of her own privilege in the industry, as a rich, successful white actress. We are hearing these and believing so many of these stories now because the women who are telling them have power. Many of them are incredibly famous and highly acclaimed actresses. But think of the truly countless number of stories women whose names we don’t already know have to tell about these men. The waitresses. The assistants. The clerks. The service workers. Poor women. Women of color. Queer women. The truly voiceless.

If the most famous women in the world didn’t feel comfortable speaking out until now, think of all the other women who still live in fear. We all have to work harder to create a world that believes women. And we have to end the stigma associated with sexual abuse and assault that assumes women were somehow asking for it by simply existing.

This takes standing up for what is right and using our power to lift up other women and root out Bad Men. Also over the weekend we saw this start as it was revealed that Gal Gadot, a.k.a. Wonder Woman herself, will only sign up for the sequel if Ratner and his production company are out. You see, when Warner Bros. signed her as Wonder Woman they did so for three films: “Batman vs. Superman,” the standalone “Wonder Woman” movie and the upcoming “Justice League.” Unlike most male superhero franchise stars they failed to sign her up for a stand-alone sequel to “Wonder Woman,” for reasons one can only assume have to do with her double X chromosomes.

So now what is she doing with the considerable clout she has earned by her massive success as Diana of Themyscira? Using it to make the playing field more fair and remove a stain on the industry. How truly super. Then maybe, just maybe, the time of the Brett Ratners and Harvey Weinsteins and Louis C.K.s of the world will truly be over.

p.s. While Hollywood does a long overdue house cleaning, it would be nice if politicians would read the fucking room. How much courage does it take to denounce a man who had sexual relations with a 14-year-old girl and other teenagers as a 32-year-old man? None, it takes no courage. It just takes being a decent human being. While they have long lost the so-called moral high road, if the Republicans elect Roy Moore next month they truly stand for nothing but clinging to power. And, yeah, I know – don’t get me started on that fucking repugnant pussy grabber in the White House. The reckoning can’t come soon enough.

Friday, November 10, 2017

My Weekend Rage On

It’s been a hell of a year. Take Uma’s measured yet clearly furious response to the recent revelations of serial sexual harassment, abuse and assault within the entertainment – not to mention basically every other – industry and apply it to all your unassuaged anger at the world these last 365 days. Better yet, take her Krazy 88s scene from “Kill Bill,” and consider it our collective literal and figurative response. Rage more weekend, all.

Thursday, November 09, 2017

ValkAzons Unite



Dear Movie Goddesses:

Please make a movie where the Amazons from “Wonder Woman” and the Valkyrie from “Thor: Ragnarok” team up and save the world from all enemies foreign and intergalactic. Picture it, two legendary bands of female warriors from ancient myth bound by destiny to fight evil now side-by-side. It’s a can’t miss blockbuster and every gay lady I know has already purchased 10 tickets in her head.

Your respectfully,
Ms. Snarker



But, for real, can we talk about how much I loved Tessa Thompson’s Valkyrie in the new, fun Thor film? (Also, it doesn’t hurt that it also has Cate Blanchett evil vamping it up in skin-tight latex.) Tessa has wonderful swagger in the film. In short, she’s a true badass and I want her to call me immediately.

Now the character of Valkyrie is canonically bisexual in the comics. Unfortunately in the film you have to do some serious reading between the lines to suss out her sexuality. But there is one scene, where it seems her fellow Valkyrie/girlfriend takes a sword for her and she responds with anguish, that hints at queerness. There’s also her general badassness, which I always read as queerness. But hey, I’m biased that way.

The scene also interestingly mirrors a scene in “Wonder Woman” where General Antiope takes a bullet and her right-hand-woman/fellow Amazon comes running up in anguish.

Anyway. What I’m trying to say is the mash-up Valkyrie/Amazon movie is a no-brainer and also super, duper queer. So make it so, movie goddesses, make it so.